I really hate to pick on the soon-to-be-Italy-bound, but are you Ladies SURE you know what you’re doing? For instance…
-Italy has buildings that don’t stand up straight and some are even surrounded by lots of water. Here in Ohio we call that a flood and we run away!
-You can’t trust those airport scales. Your luggage could weigh an extra 182 pounds! (and probably more on the return flight.)
-You will miss CSI: Miami on Monday nights! Hadn’t thought about that, huh? I’m just here to help.
-I have all of your email addresses. I’ll enroll you in match.com, eHarmony and Meet Sexy Girls.com while you’re gone.
-You will meet tall, dark men with lots of hair. I’ve forgotten why that’s bad. Have to get back to you on that one.
-Statistics show that you are likely to get knocked out by a mugger, then thrown in an ally, arrested for vagrancy and spend the remainder of your vacation in jail. Wait…that might have been New York and not Italy.
-You will feel awful ignoring all the pleas from your Flight Crew friends who also want to go.
PLEASE TAKE ME WITH YOU!…. See?
-Haven’t you seen all the food pictures Leelee and Ann have posted? You will gain lots of weight.
– Can you say MAFIA?
-I hope you can run really fast! Mt Etna, in Sicily, is the most active volcano in the world.
-You could get pinched.
-The Forsythia will finish blooming by the time you get back.
So you see… I wouldn’t go even if you bought me a ticket. Unless you would be really, really upset if I didn’t go.
Oh, I remember the bad thing about the tall, dark, hairy Italian men. I think it was the stopped up drain in the shower. I know that’s lame. Just forget that one.