Go To Italy? No Way!

Teach Italian.jpg7I really hate to pick on the soon-to-be-Italy-bound, but are you Ladies SURE you know what you’re doing? For instance…

-Italy has buildings that don’t stand up straight and some are even surrounded by lots of water. Here in Ohio we call that a flood and we run away!

-You can’t trust those airport scales. Your luggage could weigh an extra 182 pounds! (and probably more on the return flight.)

-You will miss CSI: Miami on Monday nights! Hadn’t thought about that, huh? I’m just here to help.

-I have all of your email addresses. I’ll enroll you in match.com, eHarmony and Meet Sexy Girls.com while you’re gone.

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-You will meet tall, dark men with lots of hair. I’ve forgotten why that’s bad. Have to get back to you on that one.

-Statistics show that you are likely to get knocked out by a mugger, then thrown in an ally, arrested for vagrancy and spend the remainder of your vacation in jail. Wait…that might have been New York and not Italy.

-You will feel awful ignoring all the pleas from your Flight Crew friends who also want to go.


-Haven’t you seen all the food pictures Leelee and Ann have posted? You will gain lots of weight.

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– Can you say MAFIA?

-I hope you can run really fast!  Mt Etna, in Sicily, is the most active volcano in the world.

-You could get pinched.

-The Forsythia will finish blooming by the time you get back.

So you see… I wouldn’t go even if you bought me a ticket. Unless you would be really, really upset if I didn’t go.


Oh, I remember the bad thing about the tall, dark, hairy Italian men. I think it was the stopped up drain in the shower. I know that’s lame. Just forget that one.

33 thoughts on “Go To Italy? No Way!”

  1. Loved this! I am so excited to spend Christmas in Sardinia. I’ll be by myself in an apartment that our exchange student’s mother rents (free for me). I anyone would like to join me, it might be nice to have company. It’s a five minute walk to a beautiful beach….

  2. Oh No Marie !! All this doom and gloom awaits me in less then three weeks !!! I still have a million little details to take care of and then it’s up,up and away !!! I can’t afford another ticket but I would gladly help you stowaway on the plane !! Misery loves company you know !! And my not so tall,not so hairy gorgeous Italian would not clog the shower drain !!!! I’ll gladly take my chances that you will behave and I will not get mugged while on this adventure of a lifetime !!!

    1. This is from the other Joanie, I will take my chances on Etna erupting and also being pinched by handsome Italian men. I know of three such whom I wouldn,t mind doing that. If you have a bag big enough, I will stow away in it and join you. I hope you are going to Sicily. Whoo Let,s go. Joanie G

      1. Ok Joanie !!! Let’s go !! My bag is big enough for both you and Marie !! Sicily here we come!
        Many, many years ago when I was in Italy I actually was pinched by a handsome Italian man !!! Just not the ones want to be pinched by !!

  3. Jill Marie changed her mind & doesn’t want to stow away she get cramps in tight places. Could I stow away instead there is a tall dark handsome Adonis waiting for me in Italy. I emailed him & he said to get there as fast as I can. I need a few more dollars to get a flight. I promise I won’t be in your way if you are planning to meet your Adonis.

    1. Oh Loretta you are in so much trouble! I’ll add your name to the list of eHarmony biographies I’m writing. I have a special one for Joanie, who keeps taunting me.

      And Loretta, he’s my Adonis!

  4. I’m sorry Jill I meant to say Joanie’s name I was so excited I am getting carried away with expectation. JOANIE I will stay out of your way I promise.

    1. Loretta by all means !!! There is room in my bag for you too !! And as long as you, Joanie and Marie all have dibs on the tall one and leave the shorter one for me we’ll be just fine !!

  5. Not from what he wrote me. He loves me calling him that but you can fool yourself if you want.

  6. Marie, I don’t know what you did (do) for a living but I think if it wasn’t a Creative Writing teacher then you missed your calling. I loved the bit about the exact extra weight of the luggage on the return. You just crack me up! Good thing you are not lusting after Piero or you would really be in trouble then!
    Ciao bella!

    1. Thanks Pirate, I’m retired now, but all my correspondence, when I was working, ended with ” Grant or Budget or Project…submitted for your approval” etc. So, you know I’m having a blast now!!!

      Also, I’ll take Piero. I love him too. I’ll take them all!! Yes, I’m selfish.

  7. Pirate her bark is worse than her bite. She has never had a chance with my Adonis. She has always been dreaming, poor thing.

      1. Sometiimes I truly delight in being wicked good when I’m not being just good. Us pirates are like that, yes we is! I hear Sicilians are like that too… notice I used the plural?

  8. Well, Marie, join the group that is not going to Italy! Guess we’ll just have stay home, eat more Italian food, watch the dvds, listen to cds, and bite our knuckles! ! Loved your post!! Dot…..

  9. Nice try, Marie, but I think you know that the only thing that would keep me from going is lack of funds. To see my reasons for rejecting your reasons for not going, check your e-mail.

    1. OH! You all have to see this email. Mary will never know I did this. She’s playing with her puppy.

      You have not discouraged me in the least.
      As soon as I save mega-bucks I am going.

      As to the buildings surrounded by water….
      I can swim.
      airport scales?
      I suppose Piero could add another 145 pounds to my big suitcase, but the extra charge would be worth it.
      Who needs it? I never watch it anyway.
      No problem with the internet dating people.
      I’ll just tell them I don’t need their services, unless they can get Piero, Gianluca, or Ignazio on their lists.
      If the Italians wonder why I left my friends behind, I’ll say:
      “Tu un mia amica.” (I hope that isn’t conveying the wrong message.)
      Tall, dark men with lots of hair?
      Bring ‘em on!
      Dangerous statistics??
      I’ll skip New York.
      As to my leaving my Flight Crew friends behind…
      It’s every man for himself.
      You want to come, too?
      Okay, if you promise to keep your hands off of Piero.
      Weight gain?
      That yummy Italian food would be worth every bite.
      Who needs a class in Italian? (no offence, Jana)
      I can say, “Io bisogno Il Volo.” That’s all I need to know…(again, I hope this isn’t sending the wrong message.)
      Please, that’s so passe.
      Do you think I’m afraid of an erupting volcano?
      I would face any natural disaster just to be in the same country as Il Volo.
      I might get pinched?
      I can only hope.
      Forsythia season over?
      Lilacs coming.
      Do I REALLY want you to go.
      yes, I do, so come on.
      As for dark Italian hair stopping up my shower drain…
      It would be SO worth it!!

      So you see, you had very good reasons for not going to Italy, but NOTHING could stop me from going. (except for shortage of funds, unfortunately)
      Until that improves, the blog and Flight Crew will have to fill the void…which they do very nicely.

  10. Marie that was funny and makes one want to go so badly. I hope everyone going is going to have a great time. The one time we went (6 adults and four children)
    not one spoke Italian. We made just fine with a lot of hand waving and a dictionary.
    The only time we had some problems is getting our change back. In a nice restaurant no problem but in the ‘fast food” type of places they did not want to give back our change. We just stood and waited and finally got it. Not sure to this day if they wanted the change as a tip or thought that we would not know the difference.
    If you see that dark/handsome man and want to know who he is you say “chi e costui?”-“who is that man”
    and then you say “Ho un debole per te”-“I’m weak for you”
    Sharing my “education” from my free e-mails of “Learning Italian”.

  11. Marie you convinced me… Yes you convinced me to go back to Italy one more time… I will eat the food to my hearts desire… Who cares about extra pounds.. Not me… I look like the The Leaning Tower of Pisa when I walk, so I will fit right in… And I know of three Italians with an amazing head of hair that have my permission to pinch me anytime, as long as they give me a kiss and a hug to go with it… My only desire is that I wish that all of us in the Flight Crew Family could all go together to enjoy the wonders of Italy…

    Loved it Marie… Thanks for putting a smile on my face and the great memory of Italy back in the forefront of my mind and heart…

  12. You are all so funny bantering back & forth. I wish all who can go to Italy, God speed and send lots of pictures to share with us. Wish I could go but my daughter is getting married……I never realized how much a small wedding can cost these days. The song the couple are going to dance to is the Elvis song Gianluca sang on tour “Can’t Help Falling In Love”. <3….Here's hoping the guys can make it to the USA this year! Live, Laugh and Love for all of us. Ciao

  13. All of you are so great!! No, no offense on the Italian lessons!! If i were to be upset, that would be wrong! I cannot possibly teach you everything, so if you can learn some extra along the way, that is great – I encourage that – thank you for sharing! I really have to check that out! Yes, I woke to this post this morning and it put quite the chuckle on my face, but nothing compares to reading all of your comments!! However, I must seriously think about getting my passport again – never know when a quick trip to Italy to give our guys some support, may be needed?

    Hope the guys are enjoying New York – I know we all wish we could be there with them!

  14. I always get the biggest mental lift when I come here and read everyone’s posts…thanks for the smiles and laughter, ladies! I love you all! <3

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